DIY Hair Removal!!

 A friend emailed this to me and i absolutely Had to share it with the rest of the world!! Enjoy!!

Hair Removal.... 

This is funny. (I don't have a clue as to who wrote this, but....WHAT A  

HOOT!) All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of  

easy, painless removal The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the  

wax.

Read on......... 

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play  

with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind  

for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the  

medicine cabinet." 

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those  

"cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips  

together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them  

to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. 

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am  

mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) 

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other  

stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I  

get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"  

yeah....right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it  

tight and pull. It works! 

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!  

Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body  

hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. 

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak  

back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. 

I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. 

Using the same procedure , I apply the wax strip across the right side of my  

bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to  

the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) 

I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!! 

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.... 

OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!! 

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the  

strip.. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and  

spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay 

conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, 

breathe..................OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me  

so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory  

that is my triumph over body hair. 

I hold up the strip! 

There's no hair on it. 

Where is the hair???

WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the 

hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am 

touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now 

covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG

mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need 

to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and 

think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop 

off!" What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand 

into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should 

melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than that used to torture 

prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only 

thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them 

glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot 

water.. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself 

to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago 

to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely 

she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a 

very good conversation starter "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together 

to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but 

she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where 

the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?" 

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and 

she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!!

I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various 

solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing 

feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued 

shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky 

wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm 

pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this 

event..

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving

grace.....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY

GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. 

It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

"IT WORKS!!

It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. 

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief 

and despair....

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. 

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color...... 

I Def' wont be trying this one at home!!

Toodles!!  :)

'Live for a Life without Regret'