After i started reading blogs, i started comparing myself to all the beautiful images i saw. I noticed myself starting to complain more about my appearance. I didn't wear enough make up (
or own any), didn't have voluminous, shiny, perfectly styled hair, wasn't the right weight, and definitely didn't wear the right clothes! I started to hate my reflection, which i saw as plain and dowdy. The more i read about putting together fashionable outfits, and how to do these simple hairstyles, and how to make your 50 layers of make up look natural (
?) , the more i despised the
'country bumpkin' i saw in the mirror. I started wearing different clothes, and begging my long suffering Hubby to buy me more skinny jeans (Damn skinny jeans!) and asking for new make up and skin products and hairstyles.
Alas, i am a naturally lazy person at heart, and i don't want to spend hours putting on make up, or trying different hair-do's
(like my kids would afford me that time anyway!). And so my problem got worse as i started to realise that i would never achieve the image i was longing to fit. I was one
dissatisfied little tart, but wasn't able to put my finger on what the issue was. Being an all or nothing kinda gal didn't help either, as i thought if i cant do a whole makeover, i wont bother at all.
But something happened to me the other day, and it had such a profound affect on me that i just had to share it.
I found a pair of jeans that fit. I can almost hear the gasps of
"Seriously? that was profound?"
but it really was. I've been without a pair of comfy jeans for some time now
due to weight fluctuations and baby bellies, and while i didn't think
anything was
'Off', now i know with a certainty that everything is
Right!
(Aside from whatever is trying to get into our rubbish out on the deck)
It
suddenly didn't matter that my hair was a knotted mess, and my top was
covered in food stains. I had comfy jeans that fit me!! And now i want
to make an effort!! Since i've been wearing my jeans, i've chosen my
tops with care, brushed my hair, like, twice, and even put mascara on
once!!
I do realise how ridiculous this all seems, but my identity
does indeed seem to be wrapped up in a pair of blue, wide leg jeans,
scored for $8 at an op-shop. And i am totally good with this!
(Did i mention that i wore pretty earrings too!?)
These jeans have served as a
slap onto the reality train. I will
Never achieve that image i coveted, because
that image isn't Me. It's not who God intended me to be. I am not a stylish person. On a good day i wont clash, but that's about it. I can put mascara on without poking myself in the eye now, but i really couldn't tell you what to do with concealer...well, aside from concealing....stuff...
Does anyone remember my
13 things for 2013 list?
Number 3 a-ringing a bell?? I need constant reminding about this because i keep trying to be someone i'm not, to please someone that's not even there!! And so i shall be issuing myself a challenge.
Make an
effort, but make sure it's
My effort for Me. And remember that
even a little effort goes a long way!
"Hi, my name is Renee, and i don't own a skirt. Nor would i ever
intentionally go shopping for one. I have a dress. It sits in my
wardrobe, covered in moths. Sometimes i take it out and consider
whether an op-shop would take it, but then i think naaah, i might wear
it one day" (Insert Tui billboard here).
Now if you'll excuse me i have to go wash my jeans so i can wear them again tomorrow :)
Renee :)
'Not all who wander are lost'