After i started reading blogs, i started comparing myself to all the beautiful images i saw. I noticed myself starting to complain more about my appearance. I didn't wear enough make up (or own any), didn't have voluminous, shiny, perfectly styled hair, wasn't the right weight, and definitely didn't wear the right clothes! I started to hate my reflection, which i saw as plain and dowdy. The more i read about putting together fashionable outfits, and how to do these simple hairstyles, and how to make your 50 layers of make up look natural (?) , the more i despised the 'country bumpkin' i saw in the mirror. I started wearing different clothes, and begging my long suffering Hubby to buy me more skinny jeans (Damn skinny jeans!) and asking for new make up and skin products and hairstyles.
Alas, i am a naturally lazy person at heart, and i don't want to spend hours putting on make up, or trying different hair-do's (like my kids would afford me that time anyway!). And so my problem got worse as i started to realise that i would never achieve the image i was longing to fit. I was one dissatisfied little tart, but wasn't able to put my finger on what the issue was. Being an all or nothing kinda gal didn't help either, as i thought if i cant do a whole makeover, i wont bother at all.
But something happened to me the other day, and it had such a profound affect on me that i just had to share it. I found a pair of jeans that fit. I can almost hear the gasps of "Seriously? that was profound?" but it really was. I've been without a pair of comfy jeans for some time now due to weight fluctuations and baby bellies, and while i didn't think anything was 'Off', now i know with a certainty that everything is Right!
(Aside from whatever is trying to get into our rubbish out on the deck)
It suddenly didn't matter that my hair was a knotted mess, and my top was covered in food stains. I had comfy jeans that fit me!! And now i want to make an effort!! Since i've been wearing my jeans, i've chosen my tops with care, brushed my hair, like, twice, and even put mascara on once!!
I do realise how ridiculous this all seems, but my identity does indeed seem to be wrapped up in a pair of blue, wide leg jeans, scored for $8 at an op-shop. And i am totally good with this! (Did i mention that i wore pretty earrings too!?)
Alas, i am a naturally lazy person at heart, and i don't want to spend hours putting on make up, or trying different hair-do's (like my kids would afford me that time anyway!). And so my problem got worse as i started to realise that i would never achieve the image i was longing to fit. I was one dissatisfied little tart, but wasn't able to put my finger on what the issue was. Being an all or nothing kinda gal didn't help either, as i thought if i cant do a whole makeover, i wont bother at all.
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But something happened to me the other day, and it had such a profound affect on me that i just had to share it. I found a pair of jeans that fit. I can almost hear the gasps of "Seriously? that was profound?" but it really was. I've been without a pair of comfy jeans for some time now due to weight fluctuations and baby bellies, and while i didn't think anything was 'Off', now i know with a certainty that everything is Right!
(Aside from whatever is trying to get into our rubbish out on the deck)
It suddenly didn't matter that my hair was a knotted mess, and my top was covered in food stains. I had comfy jeans that fit me!! And now i want to make an effort!! Since i've been wearing my jeans, i've chosen my tops with care, brushed my hair, like, twice, and even put mascara on once!!
I do realise how ridiculous this all seems, but my identity does indeed seem to be wrapped up in a pair of blue, wide leg jeans, scored for $8 at an op-shop. And i am totally good with this! (Did i mention that i wore pretty earrings too!?)
These jeans have served as a slap onto the reality train. I will Never achieve that image i coveted, because that image isn't Me. It's not who God intended me to be. I am not a stylish person. On a good day i wont clash, but that's about it. I can put mascara on without poking myself in the eye now, but i really couldn't tell you what to do with concealer...well, aside from concealing....stuff...
Does anyone remember my 13 things for 2013 list? Number 3 a-ringing a bell?? I need constant reminding about this because i keep trying to be someone i'm not, to please someone that's not even there!! And so i shall be issuing myself a challenge.
Make an effort, but make sure it's My effort for Me. And remember that even a little effort goes a long way!
"Hi, my name is Renee, and i don't own a skirt. Nor would i ever intentionally go shopping for one. I have a dress. It sits in my wardrobe, covered in moths. Sometimes i take it out and consider whether an op-shop would take it, but then i think naaah, i might wear it one day" (Insert Tui billboard here).
Does anyone remember my 13 things for 2013 list? Number 3 a-ringing a bell?? I need constant reminding about this because i keep trying to be someone i'm not, to please someone that's not even there!! And so i shall be issuing myself a challenge.
Make an effort, but make sure it's My effort for Me. And remember that even a little effort goes a long way!
"Hi, my name is Renee, and i don't own a skirt. Nor would i ever intentionally go shopping for one. I have a dress. It sits in my wardrobe, covered in moths. Sometimes i take it out and consider whether an op-shop would take it, but then i think naaah, i might wear it one day" (Insert Tui billboard here).
Now if you'll excuse me i have to go wash my jeans so i can wear them again tomorrow :)
Renee :)
'Not all who wander are lost'
hiya, wearing milk covered pjs, half worn off red lipstick and 3 day unbrushed hair here *waves*
ReplyDeleteHaha, Hi!! *would-wave-back-but-fingers-stuck-in-knots-in-hair*
DeleteI think a lot of women can relate with trying to be someone that they're not. It happens to the best of us. I've never been one to wear what's in because it goes out of style just as fast. Although I do wish I was 20 pounds lighter I really don't compare myself to anyone because that would not do me any good. Besides, we are all beautiful in our own ways. I hardly wear any make-up. The only thing I apply on my face is eyeliner and lipstick and sometimes I'll wear mascara but that's a rarity. I do try to keep my hair in layers because otherwise I hate the way my hair looks. I don't like it all in one length.
ReplyDeleteUnlike you I love skirts and dresses but I dislike jeans. I don't like the way they make me feel and I hate to wear anything too snug. I do want to buy myself a pair of trouser jeans though. Oh, and another thing. I don't own a bathing suit and have no desire to. I've always been someone who dislikes attention and it really has nothing to do with being insecure. I just don't see the point of attracting peoples attention. That's just the way I am and that doesn't mean there's something wrong with me.
I think you're pretty and that you're doing a great job as a mom and given your sense of humor I bet you and your husband, friends, and family have tons of good times and good laughs.
Blessings.
Your truly an inspiration Grace!! Thank you so much for you awesome comment!! There's def' nothing wrong with disliking attention!! It's awesome that your happy to who you are, and who God made you to be! You are Beautiful!
DeleteHa you make me laugh (the funny bits, not the serious ones) I hear ya! I LOVE my jeans too, I live in them. I've been known to wash, hang above heater & put on slightly damp jeans before heading out for the day! Yes they are skinny jeans but they too make me happy because after working hard to shift some post bub weight there are some nice ones that finally fit!
ReplyDeleteI still have (and probably always will) more weight to shift (what woman doesn't) but it is amazing how much better you feel about yourself when you like & feel confident about your clothes! Good on you for being true to yourself and go the ol' classic blue pair of jeans, yay!! xDre
ps.mascara, tinted moisturiser & a bronzer on the cheeks is the extent of my make up bag...rouge huh? :)